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Writing Samples
Band 6

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today, youngsters are
concealed
Verb problem
confronted
show examples
 with a lot of stress about
academics
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 and having a good physical condition. Many believe that parents should urge their
children
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 to dedicate less
time
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 to studying and more
time
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 to physical activity. It is satisfactory, in my opinion, for
students
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 to spend more
time
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 and energy on
academics
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.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages to
students
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 if they prioritise education.
Students
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 who pursue academia as a career are more likely to land a high-paying job.
Moreover
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, people who work in occupations that involve a lot of mental effort are
also
Linking Words
 less likely to be influenced by rare events.
While
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 employees have the freedom to work from any location and communicate via media, employers have the freedom to work from anywhere and communicate via media. Ultimately, fostering a love of learning in young people will help them succeed in the long run.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 who participate in athletics face a number of disadvantages.
Students
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 will spend less
time
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 on
academics
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 if they are encouraged to participate in sports. That's why
children
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 are more likely to get poor scores in school if they don't put in enough effort to improve their study abilities. The ability to concentrate on
academics
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 and sports will be compromised for
students
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 who have poor physical health.
For example
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,
children
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 with asthma who are forced to participate in sporting activities by their parents will do less well than their peers. In conclusion, when it comes to preparing their
children
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 for the future, parents should encourage them to maintain a healthy balance between
time
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 spent studying and
time
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 spent indulging in physical activity.

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses the prompt fully and directly. Provide a clear stance and support it with specific examples and arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
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