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Band 6

Today some people can work from home using modern technology. Some say this only benefits workers, but not employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #home #technology #say #workers #employers
Technological advancement has driven people's routines to change, contributing to both beneficial and detrimental changes.
This
 can be seen from the implementation of the work-from-home basis
that is
 regulated by almost all firms in a nation.
Following
this
, there are a lot of compliments received by directors resulting from
this
 approach, whilst the downsides of
this
 agenda backlash the directors. I am of the opinion that teleworking does jeopardize directors but benefits employees.
First,
employees are on the side as they could endeavour comfortably rather than in the office. To cite an example, blue-collar troops in the construction, engineering, and even architecture industries will require teams to go to the sites as their work scope.
Consequently
,
this
 will increase their living cost, mainly on transportation if not covered by the company itself.
Nevertheless
, the employers here in context are in opposition as
this
 increases the workload of the higher-ups. To illustrate
this
,miscommunication always occurs when the medium of conversation is changed, no face-to-face meetings are one of the reasons why
this
 happens.
Therefore
, managers will have to take extra steps to coordinate the team.
In addition
, firms will face high absenteeism
due to
 the fact that workers' motivation drastically plummets when they have to work remotely. Employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 suffer from
this
 mostly do not have suitable equipment with them.
Moreover
, some suggest that working alone does not give them the same contentment they received from co-working.
Hence
, the adaptation process will be interrupted.
This
 can be proven from a theory postulated that people will be motivated if they engage with their acquaintances, and will generate more outstanding ideas. In conclusion, it can be argued that remote working does not benefit both employers or workers but in some points, I believe that workers will get more sovereignty given that they work from home.
Submitted by aininsofia2004 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are weak. Ensure that they succinctly present the main idea and summarize the key points.
task achievement
More relevant and specific examples are needed to support the main points. Make sure to provide detailed and pertinent evidence to strengthen the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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