IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).
#bar #employees #european #union #states
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The provided bar graph illustrates information about
change
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the change
a change
show examples
 in worker categories from the EU in the USA in 2003 and 2013,
whith
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with
which
 data presented
percentage
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in percentage
show examples
 scale.
Overall
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of employees
category
 was
business
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a business
the business
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category
 in 2003.
However
, in 2013, the highest
category
 changed to
self employed
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self-employed
show examples
. And, in 2013,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 employees
figure
 was lower than in 2003. In detail, the number of
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the worker
show examples
worker
Change to a plural noun
workers
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 had
Correct article usage
a higer
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higer
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higher
figure
 than in 2003
categories
Correct article usage
the categories
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 were education training, hotel industry, building and
self employed
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self-employed
show examples
.
On the other hand
, they had the lower
figure
catrgories
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categories
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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medicial
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medical
, business and unemployed.
Also
, the
businiess
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business
category
figure
 decreased by around 40%. And, the medical
category
 and unemployed
category
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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decaresed
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decreased
about
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by about
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 10% and around 13%
repectively
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respectively
 too.
However
, self the employed
category
 significantly increased
about
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by about
show examples
 25%. And,the hotel industry
category
 has
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 highest
incresing
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increasing
rate
. the
rate
 was about up to 15%. the education training , the building
category
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
rate
 was about 10%, 10%
repecively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by moneekun on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words category, figure, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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