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Band 5.5

Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?

#trend #environment #kinds #jobs
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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that there is a dramatic growth of shopping on the internet in
this
Linking Words
 day and age. From my point of view, I would contend that
this
Linking Words
 trend not only impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
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our environment but
also
Linking Words
 on the classification of vocational necessity. Without a shadow of a doubt, online shopping can have a significant influence on our environment. For the time being, shopping on the internet is becoming more and more common because of its convenience so
that
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there will be more delivery transportations which release a huge amount of carbon dioxide.
For example
Linking Words
, more and more online purchasing platforms are created
such
Linking Words
 as Shopee, Lazada and Shein, which help online shoppers
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 vital things
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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. The more orders, the more exhausted fumes sent off by delivery vehicles and
as a result
Linking Words
 the surroundings will be polluted.
Hence
Linking Words
, our environment will be affected pessimistically by purchasing online.
While
Linking Words
 the negative impact of online shopping is widely acknowledged, it still has a satisfactory influence on some types of jobs required. With the remarkable development of online
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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 which can make abundant job opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, numerous people can
livestream
Correct your spelling
live stream
 on the internet to sell their products or some people can become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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shipper
Fix the agreement mistake
shippers
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 to deliver goods to customers.
Thus
Linking Words
, shopping online has a greatly positive effect on some lines of work which can solve the unemployment issue. In conclusion, the improvement of shopping online tremendously influences both our surroundings and lines of
Correct pronoun usage
our career
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career
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careers
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.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all paragraphs are fully developed and fleshed out with more detailed examples or explanations to bolster your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more and use a wider range of linking words to improve flow and readability.
Task Achievement
Be more critical in your analysis; weigh both sides evenly and provide a deeper exploration of how these trends could evolve over time.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve clarity, consider simplifying complex sentence structures when the message can be conveyed more straightforwardly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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