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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that a country’s wealth is dependant on the health of its citizens. Other people argue that education is a better indicator of a nation’s wealth and well-being. What is your opinion? What are some other factors that contribute to the growth and prosperity of a country?

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Some individuals believe that a nation's wealth greatly leans on the well-being of its residents, whilst others point out that education is the gauge for
this
 issue. The causes of
this
 appear to focus on two areas, and a number of other factors will
also
 be discussed.
Firstly
, those who support the idea that the
overall
 physical condition of a person affects their mindset and their productivity.
This
 could mean that the medical attention needed is reduced and the state may allocate the funds to other projects,
such
 as the development of public transportation for convenient travel for everyone.
Therefore
, it seems to me that the fitness of the citizens highly contributes to the economic growth of a country. On the other side of the argument, they point out that a well-developed education system may produce various professionals, which could help in a
constantly-evolving
Correct your spelling
constantly evolving
show examples
 world. If these graduates
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 involved in the advancement of the nation's technology and science, they would greatly improve the image of the state, which could lead to the attraction of foreign investors.
Lastly
, other factors could be reasons for the growth and prosperity of a country
such
 as the entertainment industry may perhaps influence several people to boost tourism. An example can be seen in Korea, as K-POP has become well-known among Western and Asian citizens.
Consequently
, these fans aspire to fly to where their idols are. In conclusion,
although
 young professionals might have the ability to discover new inventions, It appears to me that the healthy well-being of residents is the most stable foundation of a growing nation. Another strand of development is to highlight the tourism side of the country.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction includes a clear thesis statement outlining your opinion on the topic. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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