IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
It is debatable whether
first world
Add a hyphen
first-world
show examples
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 increase in economic growth makes a difference to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 citizens. I completely disagree with
this
 statement and in
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with relevant examples. When a rich nation continues to grow it offers more benefits to its constituents. It gives more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for the underprivileged. The
government
 can provide more support to the community.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 they can allocate more funds
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 education, housing and so much more.
This
 will result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the construction of more
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 and establishments
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 hospitals and schools. Tax might be lowered in view of the fact that the nation is wealthy.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 giving free education or sponsorship program during college. In
turn
Add a comma
,turn
show examples
 the citizen who was given the opportunity to study can give back to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 community by serving the country
for instance
 for 2 years, depending on the agreement between the
government
 and the student.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
government
 can provide more free healthcare services to the people. Having a wealthy coffer is an advantage. In times of unforeseen calamity in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 the
government
 can easily respond. Covid--19 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent example, even the richest of the nations
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not prepared for
this
 event and
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of hospitals and nurses. But,
due to
 the fact that they have the money. They can easily assemble researchers to combat these
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
, unlike the other nations
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are poor that need to wait for the wealthy nations to provide assistance. In conclusion, the citizen will feel satisfied when they see that their economic growth is increasing. They can have a more
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
show examples
 healthcare system and
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 a free education.
Submitted by Anneya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: