In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Globally, there is a growing tendency toward longer life expectancies in many different countries. Some believe that the growing ageing population has a negative impact on the government.
While
others think the long-lived phenomenon is appropriate for the community. In my opinion, the increase in elderly will create a difficult situation in the state because of reduced economic income rates. This
essay will discuss both of the issues with reasons.
First of all, the increase in the elderly impacts economic growth. In this
case, this
nation experienced the decline trends because of reduced productivity. Also
, the elderly are not included in the workforce age. For instance
, Japan as a country with the lowest population growth worries about the economic conditions in the future. It is because in the last
year
the economic rates were slightly dropped even in the world Japan was the developed country. Add a comma
year,
However
, this
problem was the effect of decreased productivity.
In addition
, the elderly as a part of society have advantages because of culture and history preservation. As we know, old people recorded history in their memory. For example
, the ancient culture is still maintained because the elderly value it more. Then
, the historical background of something can be provided in this
preservation. Additionally
, it will increase the consciousness as part of the community.
In conclusion, the rise of an ageing population can make the economy in some countries drop. On the other hand
, the benefits of it can manage the preservation of culture and history. I believe that even though there are benefits to this
, we can't deny it makes progress for the country's economy.Submitted by sintakristiani22 on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay provides an adequate structure with a distinguishable introduction, body, and conclusion, the logical progression between ideas could be improved for better coherence. To enhance the logical structure, consider using a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and they establish the topic and your viewpoint. However, to further improve the scoring, make sure your conclusion restates your main ideas and clearly presents an overall final position, showing a strong finality to the discourse.
coherence cohesion
Support for your main points is evident in the essay, but further development is necessary. Aim to elaborate more on each point with detailed analysis and more concrete examples. This will make the points more persuasive and impactful.
task achievement
Your response is complete, but could benefit from a deeper exploration of the topic. To achieve this, fully expand on your ideas, ensuring that each is thoroughly explained and directly related to the question.
task achievement
While your main ideas are clear, strive for a more comprehensive understanding. This can be achieved by refining your arguments and discussing implications, consequences, and diverse points of view within the context of an ageing population.
task achievement
Use a wider range of relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The examples should directly relate to and strengthen the points you are making. Moreover, real-world statistics, studies or case studies could be incorporated to add weight to your arguments.