In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Globally, there is a growing tendency toward longer life expectancies in many different countries. Some believe that the growing ageing population has a negative impact on the government.

While

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others think the long-lived phenomenon is appropriate for the community. In my opinion, the increase in elderly will create a difficult situation in the state because of reduced economic income rates.

This

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essay will discuss both of the issues with reasons. First of all, the increase in the elderly impacts economic growth. In

this

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case,

this

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nation experienced the decline trends because of reduced productivity.

Also

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, the elderly are not included in the workforce age.

For instance

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, Japan as a country with the lowest population growth worries about the economic conditions in the future. It is because in the

last

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year

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year,

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the economic rates were slightly dropped even in the world Japan was the developed country.

However

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this

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problem was the effect of decreased productivity.

In addition

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, the elderly as a part of society have advantages because of culture and history preservation. As we know, old people recorded history in their memory.

For example

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, the ancient culture is still maintained because the elderly value it more.

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, the historical background of something can be provided in

this

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preservation.

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, it will increase the consciousness as part of the community. In conclusion, the rise of an ageing population can make the economy in some countries drop.

On the other hand

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, the benefits of it can manage the preservation of culture and history. I believe that even though there are benefits to

this

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, we can't deny it makes progress for the country's economy.

sintakristiani22Fri Feb 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

While your essay provides an adequate structure with a distinguishable introduction, body, and conclusion, the logical progression between ideas could be improved for better coherence. To enhance the logical structure, consider using a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and they establish the topic and your viewpoint. However, to further improve the scoring, make sure your conclusion restates your main ideas and clearly presents an overall final position, showing a strong finality to the discourse.

coherence cohesion

Support for your main points is evident in the essay, but further development is necessary. Aim to elaborate more on each point with detailed analysis and more concrete examples. This will make the points more persuasive and impactful.

task achievement

Your response is complete, but could benefit from a deeper exploration of the topic. To achieve this, fully expand on your ideas, ensuring that each is thoroughly explained and directly related to the question.

task achievement

While your main ideas are clear, strive for a more comprehensive understanding. This can be achieved by refining your arguments and discussing implications, consequences, and diverse points of view within the context of an ageing population.

task achievement

Use a wider range of relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The examples should directly relate to and strengthen the points you are making. Moreover, real-world statistics, studies or case studies could be incorporated to add weight to your arguments.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
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meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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