IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people say that smoking should be banned while others say banning will not help reduce the consumption rate. What is your opinion?

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The issue of smoking has sparked considerable debate in recent times. Some
people
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 contend that the government should
ban
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 smoking. In my opinion, I partly agree with the given perspective.
This
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 essay will discuss some reasons in support of my view. On the one hand, there are some arguments in favour of the idea that smoking should be illegal.
To begin
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 with, smoking is a major cause of numerous diseases, including lung cancer, heart disease, and stroke.
As a result
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, a
ban
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 would significantly reduce the prevalence of these illnesses and improve
overall
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 public health.
Furthermore
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, secondhand
smoke
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 is harmful to both adults and children, even if they do not
smoke
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 themselves.
For example
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,
people
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 who are exposed to secondhand
smoke
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 can raise blood pressure and heart rate, increasing the risk of heart attack and stroke.
Consequently
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, a
ban
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 would eliminate exposure to secondhand
smoke
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 in public places, protecting the health of non-smokers.
On the other hand
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, there are several arguments to support the idea that banning will not help reduce the consumption rate.
Initially
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, one main argument would be that some individuals said that they have the right to make their own choices about their health. They contend that adults should be free to make informed decisions about whether or not to
smoke
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. Another argument would be that a
ban
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 could lead to the development of a black market for cigarettes, which could increase the profits of criminal organizations.
For instance
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, Canada has seen the development of a black market for cigarettes, particularly in remote areas where legal tobacco products are difficult to access. All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when
people
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 evaluated the effects of
this
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 issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. I personally believe that it could have both sides,
people
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 should have
further
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 consideration on
this
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 issue.

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Examples
You provided relevant and specific examples that effectively support your points. This is a strong aspect of your essay.
Structure
The overall structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow, which enhances the readability and impact of your argument.
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