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Writing Samples
Band 4

Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality-
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One of the social concerns today relates to
supervision
Correct article usage
the supervision
show examples
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is widely believed that
parents
Use synonyms
 should supervise their
children
Use synonyms
’s activities closely, others believe
children
Use synonyms
 have more
freedom
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it depends. On the one hand, it is argued that
parents
Use synonyms
 should supervise their
children
Use synonyms
’s activities closely.
Firstly
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, it helps
parents
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 can protect their kids from social’s vices.
For instance
Linking Words
, it’s so dangerous if
children
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 contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any
social’vices
Correct your spelling
social vices
 like cigarettes or alcohol…
Secondly
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 can follow their
children
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 to manage and protect them.
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
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 don’t supervise their
children
Use synonyms
, there are many dangers from anywhere to them
such
Linking Words
 as a bad relationship…
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is strongly believed by others that
children
Use synonyms
 have more
freedom
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. People often have
this
Linking Words
 opinion because there’re so many
children
Use synonyms
feel
Correct pronoun usage
who feel
show examples
 uncomfortable if their
parents
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 always
supersive
Correct your spelling
supersede
supersize
supportive
 them, it makes them feel
loss
Add an article
the loss
a loss
show examples
 of
freedom
Use synonyms
. A second point is that
children
Use synonyms
 can’t develop completely, because their
Use synonyms
parents’s
Remove the s
parents’
show examples
 supervision makes them afraid
social
Change preposition
of social
show examples
,
don’t
Correct word choice
and don’t
show examples
 want to communicate with strangers. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that
supervision
Correct article usage
the supervision
show examples
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 is so bad, meanwhile, others assume that
parents
Use synonyms
 should do that. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to believe that sometimes,
parents
Use synonyms
 should control their kids to help them keep off bad things.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
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also
Linking Words
 should let their
children
Use synonyms
 be
Use synonyms
freedom
Replace the word
free
show examples
, they can do anything they want, if it isn’t bad.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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