IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Various fertilizers are used nowadays for food production. This is a practice that has more drawbacks than advantages. Do you agree or disagree?

#fertilizers #food #production #practice
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Today many
food
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 industries use different types of fertilizers in their manufacturing process.
While
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 some people might see some benefits,
but
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apply
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I utterly disagree and believe it is hazardous in several aspects. The main harm of using fertilizer in agriculture and
food
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 business is the unhealthy end-products. It means that these substances could directly damage our well-being. Most of them are chemicals containing high levels of nitrate and other dangerous particles which can be detrimental for our body systems.
For instance
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, scientists believe many vegetables like carrots, potatoes and onions which grow deep inside the soil might have toxic
dosage
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dosages
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 of nitrate combinations.
Additionally
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, these materials may change our foods biologically. Meaning that when they accumulate inside a plant, they might alter the nature of it which in turn could lead to unknown consequences. Environmental issues are the next important damage which should concern us. As most of these enhancers are added to the soil or the water, they can cause serious problems for other inhabitants of the target area.
For example
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, many genetic mutations have been discovered in animals which live near the farmlands using these kinds of products.
Moreover
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, despite increasing the number of one plant species they might reduce others' populations.
In other words
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, many vegetations are not able to grow in zones with high levels of certain fertilizers.
consequently
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, it can affect the
food
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 variability in the regions which use these methods frequently. In conclusion,
although
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 a minority might benefit from mass agricultural production,
this
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 mindset should be refuted, because eventually,
this
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 method hurt us back in multiple ways including social health, environment preservation and
food
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 immunity.
Submitted by drmmdi on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on better linking devices between paragraphs. This can further enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully supported with examples and that the links to the overall argument are clear.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position which is maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
You covered multiple aspects of the issue with adequate support and examples like vegetables and nitrate levels.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces your stance.
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