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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
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The chart below indicates the changes in the percentage of people with electrical equipment in comparison with
hours
Use synonyms
 spent doing housework from 1920 to
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, electrical appliances are various.
Moreover
Linking Words
, technology entered our lives so all of our duties become easier because we depend on technology. Closely, we can relate that in 1920 the highest electrical machine that been used is the washing machine and the lowest one was the refrigerator.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, the
hours
Use synonyms
 of house cleaning were the highest
hours
Use synonyms
. In comparison. The using of electrical machines in houses has increased each year. Especially, the vacuum cleaner and the refrigerator. In 2019 the
hours
Use synonyms
 that were spent
while
Linking Words
 house cleaning decreased, and it’s been the lowest since 1920. In conclusion, we can relate that
due to
Linking Words
 the high of electrical ,
machines
Add a comma
,machines
show examples
 the time spent cleaning the houses is less.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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