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Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia.

The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia.
#bar #participation #children #leisure #activities #australia
this
 bar chart illustrates the proportion of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation in selected leisure activities in Australia. The
overall
 trend shown
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the data is a steep rise in the
boys
, coupled
declines
Change preposition
with declines
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 in the
girls
According to
 what is shown the participation by 5 to 14 years old
boys
 and
girls
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increased in watching Tv and videos,
also
Correct word choice
and also
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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reached height
to
Change preposition
of
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 100% .
For example
, the number of
boys
 blaming electronic games Mach higher
90
Change preposition
than 90
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%.
In addition
, if we compare
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
boys
 to
art
Correct article usage
the art
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 and craft of the
girls
 of art and craft, we notice that the
girls
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 high 60% unlike the
boys
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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slight
Change the word
slightly
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 full in art and craft.
Subsequently
, in the
boys
' bike riding significantly 70 %. It
interesting
Add a missing verb
is interesting
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notice
Fix the infinitive
to notice
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 that the skateboarding and
roller blading
Correct your spelling
rollerblading
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 there was sadden drop in
girls
also
boys
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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slight
Change the adjective
slightly
show examples
 full.
Furthermore
, the
girls
Change to a genitive case
girl's
girls'
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 bike riding go down 60%and electronics games was
drawback
Add an article
a drawback
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.as
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
boys
 in bikes riding experience decreased In conclusion,
although
boys
 over the period given an increase in yearly income, the yearly income of
girls
 a reduction.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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