some children spend hours every day on their smartphone. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphone #case #development

In nowadays

life

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

are spending a lot of time on their mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

each day.

This

has several detrimental effects on them.

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it has

a positive parts

Correct the article-noun agreement

a positive part

positive parts

show examples

, I think it should be regarded as a negative development. At

first,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

grow

Change the verb form

grows

show examples

and all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

gadgets like smartphones are available in every

countries

Change to a singular noun

country

show examples

also

in everybody's hand. It become a crucial part of each individual's

life

to have

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

and use it but people don’t have

a information

Remove the article

information

a piece of information

show examples

children

are wasting their time by using mobile in order to play games or watch videos. Not only

Add a missing verb

does it

show examples

distract them and glue them to the phone, but

also

they forget to do their tasks and homework .

Moreover

, the screen lights can damage their quality of sleep.

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they

stuck

Add a missing verb

are stuck

show examples

at home and do not go out and socialize with other

children

. That will cause health

problem

Change the noun form

problems

show examples

like obesity and mental issue like

deppretion

Correct your spelling

depression

On the other hand

this

development

cause

Wrong verb form

caused

show examples

a huge revolution in different aspects of our

life

. Most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people are now using Google meets to connect to their coworker and their boss so that they can work at home and take care of their

children

Furthermore

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

communication is now available in every

cities

Change to a singular noun

city

show examples

. So,

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

can call, text or video call with their friend because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mobile phones are not only portable but

also

it doesn’t cost a fortune. In conclusion,

children

are addicted to their smartphones which can cause lots of health and mental problem. It should

be mention

Change the verb form

be mentioned

show examples

that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

gadget

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

our

life

much better if we use it

aproppriatly

Correct your spelling

appropriately

That is

why

this

claim is the case.

Submitted by javadsaady1992 on Sat Aug 19 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Engrossed
Distracted
Addictive
Digital natives
Virtual reality
Interactive
Online gaming
Social media platforms
Connectivity
Social engagement
Information access
Learning tools
Peer influence
Societal pressure
Alternative activities
Recreational facilities

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Whether the video games are harmful who play them or have a good effect on people is a controversial issue. From my point of view, although, it may have some positive effect on hobbies as an education tool, its negative effects are more dangerous for people and children.
4.5
band
In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The debate over high salaries centers on economic prosperity and income equality. Proponents argue that high income attracts talent, stimulate economic growth, and rewards success. While, Opponents argue that capping salaries could reduce income inequality and promote a fair distribution of wealth.
7
band
Today more and more people wants things instantly. Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?
It is said that nowadays dwellers expect things swiftly. This author thinks this is a positive development because the advent of high-tech gadgets brings everyone a sense of convenience and high-quality services.
5
band
Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Despite being generally illegal, punishing physical still exist in some countries of the world. Due to the fact, some people argue that physical punishment is one of thier way to guide children to the right way. From my point of view, I totally disagree with this statement and this essay will provide the reasons for this opinion.
6
band
Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
A group of individuals hold the belief that advertisements have a huge impact on society and peruse them to buy products. On the other hand, others believe that they are no longer effective on people’s minds and do not take their attention. I strongly believe that advertising still has a place for entertaining people and encouraging them to buy more stuff than they need.

some children spend hours every day on their smartphone. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today more and more people wants things instantly. Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.