IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that public libraries are necessary while others believe that nowadays public libraries are no longer important. What is your opinion?

#people #libraries
Public libraries are one of the important places for
people
 of all age groups across the globe.
However
,
due to
 the
necessary
Replace the word
necessity
show examples
 of
libraries
Add a comma
libraries,
show examples
 today are less used by society.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I agree with
this
 notion and the same will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
Firstly
, in
this
modernization
Add a comma
modernization,
show examples
 almost every in all age groups is using a smartphone which has the internet inside it.
In addition
, technology is now developing more easily for
people
 to use.
For instance
,
people
 especially students can find tons of
books
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
 called electronic
books
 or e-
books
 by using the internet on their phones by typing the title of the book they want to learn. Students
also
 can read in unspecific places they want not only in the
library
.
Furthermore
, some public
library
 has several authorities to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
limit
books
 for
people
 to borrow and return the
books
 within specific days.
For example
, if the
library
 only has one copy of
book
Correct article usage
a book
show examples
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
library
 needs to reduce the timespan for borrowing by
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
one
Change preposition
of one
show examples
 week each. Because they want to make sure every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a chance to read
this
 book.
In contrast
, ebooks can be downloaded and read with no limited time for using the
books
.
Also
, some ebooks have particular websites to help readers get more explanation of what they read. In conclusion, modernization has an effect on the number of
people
 who come to public libraries.
Moreover
, kids and teenagers need additional insight for their education and research because almost all of these criteria ages have smartphones or laptops for each person.
Submitted by wilztan6700 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and a proper outline of the subsequent paragraphs.
task achievement
The main points lack clear and relevant support, and the examples provided are not effectively related to the argument.
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