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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People of older and younger generations work in the same work place. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #generations #work #place
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The
job
Use synonyms
 fields in various companies are filled by a combination of both young and old workers. There are some concerns that
this
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 might have harmful effects on the development of the workplace.
However
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, I believe that the potential resolutions are greater than it demerits. There are several reasons that some argue the outcome of these types of companies will not be productive.
Firstly
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, they claim that the behaviour and manner of variant generations are not similar.
While
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 younger individuals want a friendly environment and flexibility in their
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, older ones are more strict.
Therefore
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, they cannot understand and reach an agreement with each other to co-operate, which would result in conflicts in
decision makings
Correct your spelling
decision-making
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, unsatisfaction working hours, and leading them to abandon their
job
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 position.
Additionally
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, these advocators believe when these two generations are working together, they might not respect one another's viewpoints. So, again
this
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 will have detrimental impacts on workers and the company. From
this
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 evidence, it is clear to me that in some situations,
this
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 might be problematic;
however
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, these kinds of crises are solvable by measuring and approaching directly the root of the problem.
Moreover
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, I believe when older employees are working with younger ones, they could kindly transfer their long-life
job
Use synonyms
 experience to them.
This
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 sharing of wisdom and insights with younger employees will not only foster better young talented workers but
also
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 a sense of accomplishment and fulfilment will be noticeable in the attitude of both generations; in the meanwhile, greater outcomes will be provided
as a result
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 of the company in term of development in a variety of areas.
To conclude
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, despite the fact that there are some adverse consequences on the company's environment and development, I believe that by demonstrating the possible solutions to tackle these ordinary problems, the benefits
of
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be enough to outweigh the drawbacks. It is my hope that old and young employees will become friends in
this
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 kind of ambience.
Submitted by m.defaee1 on

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Coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be strengthened by providing a more clear thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, the conclusion could be improved by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis.
Coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect each paragraph to the main topic and provide smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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