IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Full-time university students need to spend most of their time studying. Some people, however, claim that students needed to be involved in other activities as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#university #students #time #people #activities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that university
students
Use synonyms
 need to spend their time doing various
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than studying full-time, even if it doesn’t appeal to
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 at all. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and suppose that doing other
activities
Use synonyms
 will lead to positive results for student’s studies. First of all, I think various
activities
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 could be
an opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
an opportunity
opportunities
show examples
 to recover and gain vitality rather than spending time just by studying. Even if the
students
Use synonyms
 only
study
Use synonyms
 hard, they will be less efficient. But if
students
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 enjoying other
activities
Use synonyms
, they could concentrate on their
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 with
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 clear
mental
Replace the word
mind
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, many famous scientists believe that
activities
Use synonyms
 like jogging or light walking can improve our concentration and the ability of thinking.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, new and diverse
activities
Use synonyms
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on student’s
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. That’s the reason why I think it is more efficient to do other
activities
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if university
students
Use synonyms
 invest their time not only
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
diverse
Change preposition
in diverse
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
, they can consider for themselves
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their future direction.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can find out their genuine Aptitude and what they want to do through many
activities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who doesn’t think his major is suitable for his aptitude can find what he really wants to do by participating in many other
activities
Use synonyms
.
furthermore
Linking Words
, he will be able to
study
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 he need
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
harder.
Thus
Linking Words
, doing various
activities
Use synonyms
 provides many opportunities for
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
various
activities
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial than simply
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 hard because they give
students
Use synonyms
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
show examples
 and motivation.
Submitted by yebin9009 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: