IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show average household expanditure in Hong Kong and Britain in the year 2000.

The pie charts below show average household expanditure in Hong Kong and Britain in the year 2000.
The pie charts show the
proportion
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 of money spent on various household expenses in
Hong
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Kong
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 and
Britain
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 in 2000. we can see that in
Hong
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Kong
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 the greatest
proportion
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 of expenditure (32%) was on housing,
while
Linking Words
 in
Britain
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 housing accounted for just 18% of the total.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
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Britain
Add a comma
,Britain
show examples
 the greatest single expense was other goods and services at 36%, compared with 28% in
Hong
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Kong
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. Food came in second place in
Britain
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, at 22%,
while
Linking Words
 in
Hong
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Kong
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 the actual
proportion
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 was higher (27%). In
Use synonyms
Britain
Add a comma
,Britain
show examples
 another major expense was transport, at 17%, but
this
Linking Words
 was much lower in
Hong
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Kong
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 (9%). In both
countries
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,countries
show examples
 the smallest percentage of expenditure was on clothing.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data indicates that in both cases food, housing and other goods and services were the main expenses, but in
Britain
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, transport and other goods and services took up a higher
proportion
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 of total expenditure than in
Hong
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Kong
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, hong, kong, britain with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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