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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table shows the local caches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia, 2004 and 2014.

The table shows the local caches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia, 2004 and 2014.
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The provided data in the table illustrates the trends in local fresh
fish
Use synonyms
 caught and imported in Perth over a ten-year period (2004-2014).
Overall
Linking Words
, from 2004 to 2014 more fresh
fish
Use synonyms
 was imported rather than caught.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the local fresh
fish
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 caught in Perth grew exponentially,
Linking Words
conversely
Add a comma
,conversely
show examples
 the figure for imported
fish
Use synonyms
 fluctuated through the years. In 2004 the local
fish
Use synonyms
 had a figure of 2677. 7 metric
tons
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, from that year until 2008 the
number
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 rose exponentially, reaching, the same year, its peak at 8136. 2 metric
tons
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 increase was followed by a decrease the year after (in 2009), with a data of 7844. 9 metric
tons
Use synonyms
. It
then
Linking Words
 fell sharply,
by
Change preposition
apply
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having a level of 4739. 9 metric
tons
Use synonyms
 in 2013, except for a tiny upswing in 2014 (5031. 9 metric
tons
Use synonyms
).
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of imports during
this
Linking Words
 period fluctuated significantly. The highest level of imports into Perth happened in 2012, with 1227. 3 metric
tons
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest in 2005, with solely 231. 6 metric
tons
Use synonyms
, smaller than the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 for local fresh
fish
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, at 2677. 7 metric
tons
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with the only exception of 2005, 2006 and 2008, there were more imported
fish
Use synonyms
 rather than local ones.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the highest total
number
Use synonyms
 of fresh
fish
Use synonyms
 (either caught or imported) was in 2009, with a
number
Use synonyms
 of 8949 metric
tons
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, tons, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Local catch
  • Imports
  • Fresh fish
  • Trends
  • Significant changes
  • Fishing industry
  • Environmental impact
  • Economic factors
  • Policy changes
  • Market impact
  • Quantitative analysis
  • Comparative analysis
  • Data interpretation
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