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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #childcare #centers #services #children #age #members #grandparents #careers #kids
Half argue that babysitting places give the best services for minors of pre-school age.
On the other hand
, busy parents think that family members
for example
grandparents
, will be better for their children. From my perspective, the first statement is better than the latter one because adolescents can find friends to talk with there,
in addition
, perhaps the
grandparents
 are busy babysitting their offspring. In the first opinion, places where youngsters can find someone who sits with them of the same age, chats with them and there are adults who take of them.
However
, some people argue that
grandparents
 can babysit children,
furthermore
,
grandparents
 can guarantee the food that presents to the kid and high manners.
In contrast
, many childcare centres have better services rather than family members. To illustrate, the centres in my neighbourhood not only have superior nutrition in their food but
also
 playgrounds. On the other perspective,
grandparents
 can teach adolescents fabulous wisdom and let them do some housework.
On the contrary
, a lot of argument that childcare places will teach minors school lessons ,
for instance
, Mathematics and other languages
such
 as English. But, relatives can give some lessons for the youngsters better than the babysitting areas. To expound, there are family members who are teachers or have high education and may teach their young relatives.
To sum up
, it depends on those who will sit with the babies there are centres that have low evaluation and there are some
grandparents
 who do not have the time or are not good enough to babysit their grandsons.
Submitted by bajahzar90 on

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task achievement
Ensure all main ideas are fully developed and supported, using examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon key points to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for the discussion.
task achievement
The writer presents both sides of the argument, acknowledging different viewpoints.
task achievement
The essay uses specific examples and draws from personal experience to illustrate points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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