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Band 4

People should be at least 21 years old before they are allowed to drive a car. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #years #drive #car
people are
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 about the issue of whether infants must pass 21 to be permitted to drive or not. I firmly disagree with
this
 notion and some
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 surround my idea.
to begin
 with, driving is a skill rather than knowledge.
Therefore
, the soon as someone
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 to practise the sooner they will become
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
show examples
.
for instance
, in many
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
such
 as
iran
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Iran
show examples
 governments have considered the
age
 of 18 only because it is the
age
 of liability and before that
juveinils
Correct your spelling
juveniles
 cannot be responsible for their
miscounducts
Correct your spelling
misconducts
misconduct
.
However
,
although
 driving per se is not a
though
Correct your spelling
tough
show examples
 skill to acquire
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it should be allowed at the
age
 that youngsters are enough mature to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
action
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actions
show examples
. notwithstanding, it seems that 21 is slightly late and younger can achieve
this
 ability sooner.
furthuremore
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Furthermore
, If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 adopt
strickt
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strict
 procedure in order to restrict citizen from
roads
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road
show examples
 calamities that would lead to other irrecoverable consequences
such
 as driving without having
license
Add an article
a license
the license
show examples
.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 teenagers are more sponteous, it is likely that they rebel against the rules and because of their craving for thrill they would driving before the law
age
. that will cause some
catastrphiese
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
 which can destroy someone's life
such
 as route accidents or
collision
Fix the agreement mistake
collisions
show examples
 to individual. In
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
, that may hurt citizen's peace
while
 driving, when they are uncertain whether infants without
license
Fix the agreement mistake
licenses
show examples
 are driving
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 roads or not.
to sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 reiterate that youngers should be permitted to drive as soon as possible in order to
advert of
Replace the word
advertise
show examples
 interactably driving.
Submitted by majidimehrsa on

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task response
The essay shows poor organization and does not address the prompt effectively. To improve, make sure that your essay clearly responds to the prompt, presents a clear position, and supports it with relevant examples and reasons.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. To improve, work on organizing your ideas coherently and using cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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