IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources, to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
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Driven by industrialization and other human activities, the living space of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 has decreased to a large degree.
As a result
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, some people argue that saving their lives can waste resources that are precious to us. From my perspective, I am not in favour of
this
Linking Words
 opinion, believing that those creatures
are deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
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 to be well-protected. People who harbour
this
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 view reckon that the protection of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 is useless and worthless for human beings,
thus
Linking Words
 it should spend funds and effort on other important issues,
such
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 as medical care, military defence and so on. After all, humans reign supreme on the earth, being able to revolutionize the whole world, and there are a great many problems unaddressed in our society.
For example
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, at least 0.5 million Americans are homeless,
therefore
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 they are in want of shelter and necessities. If the money and space allocated to animal protection were granted to those in need, it cannot only improve their living standard
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but reduce crimes caused by poverty.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, wildlife protection is by no means wasting time and effort. For one thing, all
animals
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 on the planet are equal,
deserving
Correct word choice
and deserving
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 to live with us. As a member of the global community, it is our responsibility to preserve as much wildlife as we can, thereby maintaining a diversified world by investing in necessary resources. For another, without wild
animals
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, it will pose a threat to sustaining human life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
rain forest
Correct your spelling
rainforests
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, which play a key role in the ecosystem that keeps the earth up and running, will disappear if all wild creatures were eliminated, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 largely
relies
Correct subject-verb agreement
rely
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 on animal activities. In conclusion, protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 from distinction
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 greatly to the survival of humankind, which is not wasteful but beneficial to everyone.
Submitted by 76805977 on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but it lacks depth in exploring different aspects of the argument. Try to provide a more comprehensive response by considering multiple perspectives and their implications.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph's topic sentence relates clearly to the main argument and that there is a smooth transition between ideas.
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