IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources, to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
Driven by industrialization and other human activities, the living space of wild
animals
 has decreased to a large degree.
As a result
, some people argue that saving their lives can waste resources that are precious to us. From my perspective, I am not in favour of
this
 opinion, believing that those creatures
are deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
 to be well-protected. People who harbour
this
 view reckon that the protection of wild
animals
 is useless and worthless for human beings,
thus
 it should spend funds and effort on other important issues,
such
 as medical care, military defence and so on. After all, humans reign supreme on the earth, being able to revolutionize the whole world, and there are a great many problems unaddressed in our society.
For example
, at least 0.5 million Americans are homeless,
therefore
 they are in want of shelter and necessities. If the money and space allocated to animal protection were granted to those in need, it cannot only improve their living standard
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but reduce crimes caused by poverty.
On the other hand
, wildlife protection is by no means wasting time and effort. For one thing, all
animals
 on the planet are equal,
deserving
Correct word choice
and deserving
show examples
 to live with us. As a member of the global community, it is our responsibility to preserve as much wildlife as we can, thereby maintaining a diversified world by investing in necessary resources. For another, without wild
animals
, it will pose a threat to sustaining human life.
For instance
,
rain forest
Correct your spelling
rainforests
show examples
, which play a key role in the ecosystem that keeps the earth up and running, will disappear if all wild creatures were eliminated, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 largely
relies
Correct subject-verb agreement
rely
show examples
 on animal activities. In conclusion, protecting wild
animals
 from distinction
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 greatly to the survival of humankind, which is not wasteful but beneficial to everyone.
Submitted by 76805977 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but it lacks depth in exploring different aspects of the argument. Try to provide a more comprehensive response by considering multiple perspectives and their implications.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph's topic sentence relates clearly to the main argument and that there is a smooth transition between ideas.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: