IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

31.Damage of the environment is an inevitable consequence of worldwide improvements in the standard of living. Discuss.

#damage #environment #consequence #improvements
These
days
, the damage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
environment
 because of improvements
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 style
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 is becoming a big problem all over the world.
Now
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
days
 there is debate as
whether
Change preposition
to whether
show examples
this
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more positive or negative
effective
Replace the word
effects
show examples
, in
this
 essay, l will discuss both views and explain my personal view of the damage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
environment
.it is my strong personal viewpoint
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 we should be preserved the
environment
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, some people believe that
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the earth depends on
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
damaging the
environment
.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
example
,
significantly
Add an article
a significantly
the significantly
show examples
 larger number of
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 using cars
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
days
, but it has to utilize petrol and inevitably exhausts much poisonous fume.
Moreover
, those gas can cause many environmental problems
such
 as global warming and acid rain.
in addition
, Toxic chemicals released from industrial factories are depleting the protective layer.
for
example
,
according to
 research conducted by Harvard University every year 900,000 to a million tons of pollutants are emitted into the atmosphere.
as well as
 the construction of roads and highways on the site of green plains which can lead to global ecological catastrophe
On the other hand
, l believes that there are some reasons we are still made to exploit nature.
For
example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solar electric cars,
although
 they have been sold in many countries,
Add a missing verb
have the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher price than the same type, but petrol energy
auto
Fix the agreement mistake
autos
show examples
, make them hard to sell.
However
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many green energy technologies currently in use depend on changeable and unpredictable phenomena
such
 as wind, rain and cloud cover. To take the fastest growing sector as an
example
, solar panels can only be used in the presence of strong and direct sunlight, and
although
 the problem of directness has already been somewhat solved with moving panel arrays, a cloudy few
days
 could still result in a blackout if we depended entirely on solar power something
that is
 unlikely to occur today given current oil stockpiles. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government law enforcement needs to be
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
top notch
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
 strict in all nations because
preserved
Change the form of the verb
preserving
show examples
 the
environment
Submitted by shfaaalnaabi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: