Noawdays online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development?

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A group of individuals present the view that
administration
Correct article usage
the administration

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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should consider a budget for taking care of elderly
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

It seems that other may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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believe that
education
Correct article usage
the education

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
young
Correct article usage
the young

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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generation is more important. I strongly agree with the former opinion, and I am going to discuss my view in the following essay. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

justifiably argue that
old
Correct article usage
the old

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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generation
have
Change the verb form
has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject old generation. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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spent their youth time
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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developing their country.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore

The word Therefor doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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they would expect that the government assist them when they have become retired.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
Add a comma
,example

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For example. Consider adding a comma.

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free health care services and special
deposit
Fix the agreement mistake
deposits

It seems that deposit may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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are
the
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before some. Consider deleting the article.

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some
Correct your spelling
same

The word some doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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programs that each
states
Change to a singular noun
state

The singular quantifier each is followed by the plural noun states. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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can do for thankfully elderly
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, spending money on elderly
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

people'
Change noun form
people's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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care plays a vital role in
welfare
Correct article usage
the welfare

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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rate of each nation which has a direct relationship with migration. All
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

tend to work and live in a country in which old
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
supporting
Wrong verb form
supported

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb supporting. Consider changing it.

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by their government as at that time they need more attention and help for doing their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks

It seems that task may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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like shopping, driving and so on.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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