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Band 2

Noawdays online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development?

#noawdays #development
A group of individuals present the view that
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 should consider a budget for taking care of elderly
people
,
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation is more important. I strongly agree with the former opinion, and I am going to discuss my view in the following essay. On the one hand, some
people
 justifiably argue that
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 generation
have
Change the verb form
has
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 spent their youth time
for
Change preposition
apply
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developing their country.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
 they would expect that the government assist them when they have become retired.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 free health care services and special
deposit
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deposits
show examples
 for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 are
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
Correct your spelling
same
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 programs that each
states
Change to a singular noun
state
show examples
 can do for thankfully elderly
people
.
Additionally
, spending money on elderly
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 care plays a vital role in
welfare
Correct article usage
the welfare
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 rate of each nation which has a direct relationship with migration. All
people
 tend to work and live in a country in which old
people
 are
supporting
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
 by their government as at that time they need more attention and help for doing their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 like shopping, driving and so on.
Submitted by n.rezaei199170 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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