IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that developments involving the Internet have brought people together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #developments #internet #communities
Today
people
 have different views about
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
 of
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and social media on
people
`s communication habits.
While
 some
people
 consider, that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 made some communities become close and isolated, I will argue, that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 gave
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to be more social. On the one hand, there is a belief,
people
 lost communication skills after sharing of
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
. It is common, that some teenagers and youngsters can not make friends in real life
due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dependence on the
Internet
 and social networks.
In other words
, communication in real life
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 useless, because of
substitution
Correct article usage
the substitution
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 online talking.
This
 is a strong point, why
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 made
people
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more isolated.
On the other hand
,
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 made
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
communicate more closely. Today everyone can chat with
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 from
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side of
Earth
Correct article usage
the Earth
show examples
 and make friends all over the world.
Moreover
,
Internet
 and video call apps
such
 as Skype give us
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to be in connect with our relatives that are on long distance from us.
That is
 why
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 brought
people
closely
Change the word
close
show examples
 to each other, rushing down geographical barriers.
To sum up
, even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are
people
, that believe in
harmful
Add an article
the harmful
show examples
 effect of
worldwide
Add an article
the worldwide
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 on
people
`s socializing, I will argue, that
people
 all over the world become
closely
Change the word
close
show examples
, thankfully to the
Internet
.
Submitted by sagynysh.mutigulliyeva.01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: