Youth unemployment is increasing in many countries in the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it?
The increasing number of unemployed
youth
has become a major problem in today's society. There are many causes regarding this
issue. One of them is that many human jobs are being replaced by technology
. The best solution to this
problem is for the government to open more job
opportunities
where technology
is not required.
First of all, one of the main causes of unemployment is the development and advancement of technology
Some jobs do not require human willpower but instead
use AI. Furthermore
, some human jobs are being replaced by advanced technologies, such
as robots. For instance
, in Japan, a sum of hotels use robots as their hotel receptionist. In addition
, in some of these hotels, humans are nowhere to be found instead
customers are seen with many machines and robots. If this
goes on, then
, the youth
unemployment rate will progressively increase.
To solve this
ongoing problem, I think the best solution is for the government to open more job
opportunities
where human willpower is needed, such
as in business and economic fields. The government should open more job
opportunities
in this
field since it is not very hard for the youth
to learn. Moreover
, this
field also
requires some human intelligence such
as planning. For example
, a lot of fresh graduates start their own businesses since it is not very difficult and it is very well-paid. Others also
started to enter the investing world. This
not only decreases the rate of unemployment but also
grows the country's economy.
To conclude
, many youth
are unemployed because of the existence of technology
. However
, this
issue can be solved by opening more job
opportunities
for the youth
where their intelligence is needed.Submitted by nafisa.sputri on
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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on each point to deepen your argument. For example, further explaining how technological advancements specifically impact various job sectors could make your argumentation stronger.
task achievement
Adding more real-world examples or data can help substantiate your main points and provide a more convincing argument. For example, citing more statistics or studies related to youth unemployment could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Some of the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Try using a variety of cohesive devices to link your ideas more clearly. For instance, incorporating phrases like 'Another significant factor...' or 'Moreover...' can enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph sticks closely to one main idea and that idea is well-developed. This would increase the cohesion and overall clarity of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and your thesis statement offers a specific solution, which is commendable.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reaffirms the solution, providing a satisfactory closure to the essay.
logical structure
You have a logical structure that guides the reader through your essay, from identifying the problem to proposing a solution.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are generally clear and relevant to the topic, making it easy to follow your argument.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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