IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Globally, the number of
people
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 moving to
cities
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 from rural areas is on the rise. I believe that
this
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 will have a negative impact on the
environment
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 and hospital waiting
times
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.
Firstly
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, the
environment
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 will be impacted by high levels of traffic. If more
people
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 move to
cities
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, there will be a rise in cars, buses and trains to accommodate a growing population. The gases emitted from cars and other forms of transport will lead to increased pollution and greenhouse gases.
For instance
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, China is the leading country with the highest carbon emissions
due to
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 heavy traffic and a high number of
people
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 living in
cities
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. Despite
this
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, China introduced policies to curb greenhouse gases by reducing traffic, but high levels of pollution continued to persist.
Hence
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, moving from the countryside seems to be a bad idea for the
environment
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.
Secondly
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, I believe that hospitals will be overwhelmed by the sheer number of
people
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 moving to
cities
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.
This
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 would lead to longer waiting
times
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due to
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 high patient demand and lack of resources.
For instance
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, the waiting
times
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 for routine hip surgery in the UK have increased rapidly for the past 10 years
due to
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 patients moving from the countryside.
This
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 is why migration to metropolitan areas seems to be a disastrous idea as the health of
people
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 will be affected.
Finally
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, the crime rate will significantly increase because police resources will be overstretched.
To conclude
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, I believe that migrating to
cities
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 from rural areas will have a negative impact on the
environment
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 and hospital waiting
times
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.

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task achievement
Your essay's introduction presents the topic well. Consider expanding the introduction to include an outline of the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, provide a linking sentence at the end of each main paragraph to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
Provide additional relevant examples or more detailed explanations to support your points. This will strengthen your argumentation.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, which enhance your arguments and demonstrate your knowledge of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, tying the essay together neatly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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