Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. Q: What is your opinion?

Nowadays,
space
exploration
seems quite expensive and some
people
believe
money
needs to be spent on things that are more important. In my ,opinion I agree
government
should spend
money
on other matters rather the
space
exploration
.
To begin
with, poverty has increased over the
last
few years which
government
should focus their
money
to reduce
Change preposition
on reducing
show examples
that rather than travelling to
space
. The main reason that
people
are dying every day due they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
have access to food.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
this
has a negative impact on the country's economy due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
need to invest more
money
to abolish the problem the possibility to invest in
space
travel is reduced
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
this
problem is bigger than
space
exploration
.
For example
, the USA spends every year 2 million dollars in NASA for
space
exploration
and they have the highest percentage of poverty.
Moreover
, education in some countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
expensive so
people
do not have
money
to access so the
government
should
support
that in their population. If
people
are well educated they will increase their knowledge and they will be able to
support
the economy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
Verb problem
apply
show examples
support
the country.
For example
, Finland has the highest educated population and the
government
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
that for free in their society and they do not invest
money
in
space
. A difference between the United States which spends
money
on NASA without offering its citizens the opportunity to study for free. In conclusion, travelling to
space
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
a high amount of
money
from governments around the world they should spend the
money
on other matters which are more important. The essay reviewed why is important to spend the
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
reduced poverty and education rather the
space
exploration
.
Submitted by usoncata on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks relevant examples to support the argument. More specific and relevant examples are needed to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented to frame the essay effectively. The flow of ideas within and between paragraphs needs to be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: