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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts illustrates the number of sales in different spheres of online shopping in New Zealand during 10 years.

The pie charts illustrates the number of sales in different spheres of online shopping in New Zealand during 10 years.
#sales #spheres #zealand #years
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The provided pie charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the total
sales
Use synonyms
 of
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
 entities
such
Linking Words
 as travel , books , clothes and film/music between 10 years of span in New
Zeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
show examples
. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the major
sales
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in
travel
Add an article
the travel
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 industry in 2003 which
dereased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 in 2013 by 29%from 36%of
sales
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
sales
Use synonyms
 in film and music department went up to 33% in 2013 from 21%. we can say that it increased
gardually
Correct your spelling
gradually
.On the other
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 books were in
deamnd
Correct your spelling
demand
 in 2013 with 22%of
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
while
Linking Words
 it was only 19% in 2003.
Major
Correct article usage
A major
show examples
 drop can be seen in
shopping
Add an article
the shopping
a shopping
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 clothes as it was 24% in 2013 and after 10 years the number of
sale
Change to a plural noun
sales
show examples
 was only 16% in 2013. All in all ,
sales
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 travel and shopping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
clothes were fall
while
Linking Words
sales
Use synonyms
 of books and
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 department went up.
Submitted by bhumikashah1414 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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