Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful for individuals and the society they live in. Do you agree or disagree?

It's widely believed that new technology has entirely changed the way of entertainment

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

that causes an adverse effect on the new generation,

while

Linking Words

some people accept it positively. I partially agree with the statement, And In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will try to explain both views to a certain extent.

Firstly

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

advanced technology era, youngsters are inclined towards

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

consequently

Linking Words

causes some negative impact on their careers and health.

For instance

Linking Words

, students are less focused on their studies

due to

Linking Words

computer/mobile

games

Use synonyms

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to failure in their academic education.

Moreover

Linking Words

, youth who are deeply indulged in playing

games

Use synonyms

are less likely to have proper diets

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

, as

show examples

result

Punctuation problem

result,

show examples

they could face serious health issues

such

Linking Words

as obesity.

In addition

Linking Words

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

consume a lot of valuable time

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

also

Linking Words

a considerable drawback.

Secondly

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

nowadays

show examples

Nowadays

Punctuation problem

Nowadays,

show examples

young people and kids are adopting

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

as their careers as well.

For example

Linking Words

, popular YouTubers are earning

fortune

Correct article usage

a fortune

show examples

and opulence by just playing

games

Use synonyms

online. If one has an interest in spending hours playing

games

Use synonyms

online

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

she

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can host a live stream and shoot

video

Use synonyms

of themselves during the

paying

Use the right word

playing

show examples

session

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

earns a huge amount of money

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

this

Linking Words

is a positive side of electronic

games

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, online

games

Use synonyms

can become the main earning source as well. In conclusion, the popularity of electronic

games

Use synonyms

is increasing dramatically

due to

Linking Words

entertainment

as well as

Linking Words

wealth.

According to

Linking Words

me, becoming a gamer is a good career option;

however

Linking Words

, parents' supervision

requires

Wrong verb form

is required

show examples

to a great

extent

Punctuation problem

extent,

show examples

whether children are serious towards it or not.

nkdharniya

Aug 21, 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your introduction should clearly state your position more strongly, whether you agree or disagree.

coherence and cohesion

Try to use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help the reader follow your ideas better.

task achievement

Add more specific examples to support your points, especially about the negative effects of gaming.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion could be stronger by summarizing your main points more clearly.

content

You identified both the negative and positive aspects of video games, showing a balanced view.

content

Your examples about YouTubers and academic focus are relevant to your argument.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

17
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activitiy of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is said that people emphasise too much culture for the young, while others hold the opposite view that leisure enterprise for the young people should be spent on indeed. This author agrees with the perspective of emphasizing more action for young people in order to reduce the stress gained from studying, rather than focusing more on improving education for a better result in studying.
7.5
band
Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Adolescence is a stage marked by significant physical, emotional, and psychological changes. Some argue that conflict between teenagers and their parents is a necessary part of growing up, while others believe it is a negative issue that should be minimized. This essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own view.
6
band
Technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, using networks of security cameras and monitoring on line conversation) In many cases, the people being monitoring are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, due to the largest usage and advances in technology, many new tech devices have started to be used for other purposes such as monitoring people by means of networks, security cameras and through access to private conversations. However, many users of these devices are not aware of this aspect which can be seen as breaking privacy rules. Despite this, I would argue that this aspect has more advantages than disadvantages because everything can be used for the safety of the largest group.
7
band
More and more people want to buy famous brand of clothes and cars. What are the reasons? Do you think a positive or negative development?
These days, a large group of people like to buy things that they need from stores which have a brand owing to the fact that they believe that brands' devices are not only based on factions but also good quality. In my opinion, it is a negative development due to the fact most of the time it is a waste of money also, these brands increase their sales but reduce the quality
6
band
Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at school and at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that children can learn anything effectively by watching television, and therefore, they should be allowed to watch television both at school and at home. I completely disagree with this statement because watching television hinders the natural imagination capabilities of children, and it also detrimental to their health.

Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful for individuals and the society they live in. Do you agree or disagree?

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activitiy of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

More and more people want to buy famous brand of clothes and cars. What are the reasons? Do you think a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at school and at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?