These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays communication is quite important and it's easy via the
internet
using phones. In the present day peoples
are using networks and they connect with the globe. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Internet
is the easiest to know something. Some Correct article usage
The Internet
peoples
think the advantage of telecommunication needs more development to connect with the world easily.
Fix the agreement mistake
people
However
, no one can deny the importance of a network. Because most of the parents or relatives connected with others
easily using mobile. There are various advantages of internet
and mobiles. Correct article usage
the internet
For example
, now students learn their study, work rising skills, patient contact with the hospital and many others
, all of these they doing in their own homes or anywhere. Now villagers are using internet
and they feel joyful. Individuals think if the networking system developed more Add an article
the internet
than
they Correct word choice
apply
used
social or connect with the globe very easily. Wrong verb form
would use
In addition
, networking is not only to communicate with others
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
there is a big benefit to knowing worldwide news.
On the other hand
, there is some disadvantage to phones and Correct article usage
the internet
internet
. Like Capitalize word
Internet
peoples
are spending their precious time on Fix the agreement mistake
People
internet
and Add an article
the internet
also
using social media without any reason. One of the most
disadvantages is security problems. Nowadays, Correct word choice
biggest
peoples
are reporting to journalists or other social media to hack their email or Fix the agreement mistake
people
others
information.
In conclusion, the networking system and mobile phone's advantage are better.Networking Correct quantifier usage
other
upgrade
day by day so security Fix the agreement mistake
upgrades
this
is not quite a problem if they maintain the rules of networking. In my own view, present humans Correct pronoun usage
apply
reached
anywhere in the world using via Wrong verb form
reach
internet
.Submitted by Jahid Hossain on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task prompt and lacks clear, comprehensive ideas. Provide a more detailed and focused discussion on the advantages and disadvantages.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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