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Writing Samples
Band 5

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#show #shops #country
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The graph
demostartes
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demonstrates
 the number of closed
shops
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 and openings in the period from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the total
amount
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 of
shops
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 for both closures and opened decreased in 2018. Simultaneously, the number of
shops
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 which closures fluorated between 2011 and 2018,
similarly
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
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 which opened
also
Linking Words
 changed gradually in the duration of 2011 to 2018. In 2011, the number of
shops
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 which closed
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 above 6400 and it dropped to 6000 the next year
then
Linking Words
 it increased to over 7000 in 2013.
In addition
Linking Words
, it decreased to 6500;
conversely
Linking Words
, it dramatically decreased to 800 in 2015 yet it raised to above 5000 after all.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
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 which opened was 8500;
however
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, it gradually dropped to 4000 in 2012 and it continued increasing to just over 6000 in 2014.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it dropped to 4000 in 2015 and it kept at a similar
amount
Use synonyms
 within 2 years in 2017
then
Linking Words
 it dropped to 3000 in 2018.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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