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Band 5.5

People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the ageing population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. Discuss both views & give your own opinion

#people #population #business #government #society
There is a popular opinion that the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 in ages
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
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a significant drawbacks
Correct the article-noun agreement
significant drawbacks
a significant drawback
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity,
while
 others argue that the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 population could benefit
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many fields
such
 as service,
quality
Correct word choice
and quality
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 of life. From my perspective, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
argument have pros and cons which affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only individuals but
also
society
. On the one hand, it is undeniable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
having
a longer years
Correct the article-noun agreement
longer years
a longer year
show examples
 of living can bring massive issues. One of the primary
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
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 is the shortage of resources across the world. The reason behind
this
 is that with the significantly expanding of humans nowadays, the
demanding
Replace the word
demand
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 goods is increasing considerably over the year.
As a result
, fuels and food products are being used up in order to satisfy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human needs,
thus
 leading to the run out of those materials.
This
 unwanted reality could cause catastrophe to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 and
people
Change noun form
people's
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 life.
For example
, India,
are
Correct pronoun usage
which are
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 famous for having the second largest population, are now facing the
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
 of
run
Change the verb form
running
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 out of resources to serve the demand of their citizens.
Therefore
, a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people are living in poverty and homeless which affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the whole national economy.
On the other hand
,
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population can bring numerous advantages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Firstly
, there will be a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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forces
Fix the agreement mistake
force
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 for the country.
For example
, with the help of the old and young city-dwellers, they can contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 of that country,
thus
 increasing the productivity of that
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. In conclusion, both of the
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 have their own advantages which affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Submitted by Dqtrung177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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