IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's world, shopping through online
platforms
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 is on the rise. The deployment of the
internet
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 supports
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to become easier and more effective.
Society
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 nowadays uses e-commerce to buy things
such
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 as tickets for travelling, home equipment, and even groceries. Dependency on the
internet
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 in an increasingly sophisticated world, I strongly believe that using the
internet
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 for shopping brings more advantages than disadvantages to
society
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 for several reasons. To commence with, in
this
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 century, it's rare for
people
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 to
do
Correct your spelling
go
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 shopping in offline stores. Many
people
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 believe that it is complicated and usually more expensive. The presence of online
platforms
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 really helps
society
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 to
get
Verb problem
meet
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 their needs, even for the elderly.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, over 50% of older
people
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 start to buy their food and groceries through multi-service
platforms
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such
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 as Gojek, Grab, and Shopee Food. Individuals decide to choose shopping online because there are several options to compare for the same product. Other than that, shopping online is inexpensive and more comparative.
On the contrary
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,
society
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 needs to consider the
safeness
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safety
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 of shopping online. Most of the online
platforms
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 provide direct access to bank accounts and it is very dangerous ,especially for the elderly.
In other words
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, sharing the card numbers and details might be harmful to the users.
For example
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, there were several cases in Indonesia where hijackers stole money from an online application because the user
connect
Wrong verb form
connected
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 the cards with the application.
Therefore
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, shopping using the
internet
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 might
sometime
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sometimes
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 lead to a bigger and more problematic issue. In conclusion, buying things on the
Internet
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 in all parts of the world become more popular. Shopping online
brings
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact on facilitating human life.
However
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,
However
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,
due to
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 the sophistication of technology,
people
Use synonyms
 need to be cautious of online schemes and fraud.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping. The writer presents a clear opinion on the topic, supported by relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, some of the ideas are not fully developed, and there is a need for more cohesive devices to link the paragraphs and ideas together.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
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