IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Q. Many cities/metropolitan areas/towns are now turning parks/public gardens and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#q #cities #areas #towns #parks #gardens #farmland #developments #development
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The number of people living in cities has increased as it provides better opportunities for both education and employment. It is suggested that
parks
Use synonyms
 and other green
areas
Use synonyms
 in the
areas
Use synonyms
 should be changed to accommodation.
However
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, without
parks
Use synonyms
 in town, stress can be found more in society and might lead to an increasing number of dangers in urban
areas
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.
To begin
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 with, people in the cities will have fewer public spaces for relaxation after studying and working as most
parks
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 will be changed into housing
areas
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.
For example
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, stress from work can be reduced by exercising at the
parks
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 which
also
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 helps create strong physical and mental health for individuals who live in the urban area.
As a result
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, the community will be more lively because people will be stress-free and healthy
due to
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 the fact that they have some spaces for their relaxing activities.
Furthermore
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, changing all
parks
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 into housing
areas
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 can create packed communities which can negatively impact the whole
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 in terms of uncleanliness and violence.
For instance
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, packed
areas
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society tend to come with violent issues
such
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 as increasing drugs and crime rates which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 caused by the higher number of criminals living in the metropolitan area.
Hence
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, household development can adversely affect
areas
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 where there are no appropriate laws used to control the communities. In conclusion, transformations of all public spaces
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 living
areas
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 will generate stress for the population because there are fewer ways to relax and entertain.
Similarly
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, packed household
areas
Use synonyms
 from construction will
also
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 exacerbate the communities regarding people’s life qualities in the future.
Submitted by nathnicha on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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