IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advertising has become a very common phenomenon nowadays, around which
people
Use synonyms
's opinions vary. From my perspective, advertising could both be economically beneficial
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and cause unwanted
side-effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On the one hand, there are several reasons for the positive economic merits with regard to advertising. First of all, advertisements are an effective way to inform
people
Use synonyms
 about the compelling details of a product. When a new product comes into the market, the company is likely to make advertisements about its particular usage, what it is made of, and why it works better than similar previous goods.
Therefore
Linking Words
, consumers are provided a wider range of merchandise choices, and can easily select what suits their needs best. Without advertisements, chances are
people
Use synonyms
 would waste their money on products that are out-of-date.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, advertising helps to create a competitive environment for the industry,
thus
Linking Words
 promoting better qualities and innovations.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, advertising can lead to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on society.
For example
Linking Words
, when it comes to
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 clothes, the models who display them are much slimmer than
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average female.
This
Linking Words
 may arouse anxiety for body
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
, and even a sense of body shame, among those young women who are susceptible towards negative comments.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some commercial campaigns exaggerate the advantages of their products, so as to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more attractive among the competitors. Take lipsticks
for instance
Linking Words
, the beautiful
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 displayed might only be obvious if the person who tried it on had relatively pale lips, which is not usually the case among most
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it encourages cheating in
cosmetic
Add an article
the cosmetic
show examples
 industry. In conclusion, in terms of advertising, there are advantages commercially, and social drawbacks as well.
Submitted by ysh424 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: