IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many working people get little or no excercise either during the working day or in thier free time, and have health problems as result. Why do many working people not get enough excercise? what can do done about this problem?

#people #excercise #thier #time #health
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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 were running
beind
Correct your spelling
behind
 their regular routine
work
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 to earn money, most of them humans health become very worst because of their hectic
work
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 pressure to overcome that men and
womens
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women
show examples
 can follow some small exercises in their daily
freetime
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free time
 or even in the
time
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 of wakeup at
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 morning. but
inspite
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in spite
 of lack of
time
Use synonyms
 availability we are failing to follow that, here let us discuss in detail about the
exercise
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 of
people
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 need to do in the regular working
day
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.
Mordern
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Modern
 days, the corporate
work
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 sitting
infront
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in front
 of the computer
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
day
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 even
people
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 used to eat 3 times a
day
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 often but now
ones
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once
show examples
 a
day
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 in excited, the main reason that working
people
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 not getting enough
exercise
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because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 of lack of sleep young boys and girls were working in night shifts continuously
this
Linking Words
 leads to lack of eye problem and brain damage meanwhile it leads to death very earliest.
for
Linking Words
example
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,example
show examples
 IT
employees
Change noun form
employee's
employees'
show examples
wprk
Correct your spelling
work
time
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 needs to be reduced from morning 9 to evening maximum
7
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of 7
show examples
pm.
people
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 if they come at 9pm and more than the same they used to have
complete
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completely
show examples
 tired and stressed
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
 be going
straiaway
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straightaway
 to bed for sleep,
atleast
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at least
 we need 7 hours of sleep for a
day
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 as discussed from the
begining
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beginning
,
people
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 have to be
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
Correct word choice
and concentration
show examples
concentration
Replace the word
concentrate
show examples
 more and doing
exercise
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 is very good for our body that keeps
away
Correct pronoun usage
us away
show examples
 from any other diseases, the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the problem is that I would suggest
people
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 can frame a timetable for a
day
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 on their routine
work
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 in the specific chart they used to allot a separate
time
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 for
exercise
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
Linking Words
 sleeping is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 good form of
exercise
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, sitting in
chair
Add an article
a chair
the chair
show examples
 in the office and
streching
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stretching
 on hand and legs is a type of small exercises.
Finall
Correct your spelling
Finally
 by concluding money is
also
Linking Words
 important for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 meanwhile to earn money,
people
Use synonyms
 should take care of their health, so far that
people
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 can follow some little
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
 and
yoga
Add a missing verb
do yoga
show examples
 regularly without fail and be happy,
healthy
Correct word choice
and healthy
show examples
 always.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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