There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

It is widely believed that
students
are facing a lot of difficulties in academics than that in non-academic
subjects
.
Moreover
, a lot of people argue to remove non-academic
subjects
such
as physical education, and culinary from education programs so that the
students
can focus more on those academic courses. Personally, I completely disagree with the fact that schools should change their syllabus for
students
to concentrate more on academic work. People might argue that learning non-academic lessons is not beneficial for
students
. And those assumptions are based on the thought that the best way to have a successful life is to do well in academic lessons
such
as mathematics, physics and science.
Thus
, it is widely believed that eliminating the non-academic
subjects
such
as sports, culinary and art will give the
students
more time to focus on those science
subjects
by doing experiments and reading pieces of literature and have more opportunities to thrive in those
subjects
academically.
However
, those non-academic
subjects
can help the
students
develop their personality and help them grow physically.
For example
, it is a known factor that when a student who did not participate in physical practice classes with those
students
who did sport will have lesser physical growth throughout their growth period.
On the other hand
, putting too much pressure on
students
to learn those academic lessons will result in mental health problems
such
as depression, stress and over-studying with no classes to relieve those stresses.
To conclude
, each individual
students
have their own interest and ability to learn in both academic and non-academic
subjects
. So it is not a wise decision to eliminate those non-academic
subjects
from the school syllabus as
students
may not be able to balance between soft skills and hard skills.
Submitted by laishweyee91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Development of Ideas
Try to include a wider range of examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea or argument. This will help improve the clarity and effectiveness of your writing.
Language Use
Consider refining your essay by varying your sentence structures and using a mix of complex and simple sentences to make your writing more engaging.
Structure
You have a strong introduction and conclusion which clearly states your position on the topic.
Organization
You’ve effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which aids in the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
Understanding and Argument Development
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and develops a reasoned argument, showing a good level of task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: