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Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or neative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #neative #situation
In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
people
 prefer to buy a
home
 than rent it
temporarly
Correct your spelling
temporarily
. The reason for that might be
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of sense of stability in their
countries
. I strongly believe that if citizens feel
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
 about their financial stability,
Add an article
the
show examples
tendency of buying
home
Add an article
a home
show examples
 will significantly decrease. In many developing
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
people
 use about half of their conscious
life
 to pay for mortgages. There is definite data that in
countries
 where social insurance is not developed appropriately,
people
 don't feel
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
confident and their
life
 is like a rat race.
For example
, in Armenia
Add a comma
,
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about 65 % of
countries
 young population have a mortgage, which is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear evidence
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 lack of developed social insurance , because young
people
 want to be
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensured
show examples
 that after retiring at least they will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place to live . Turning into already developed
countries
,
people
 are more relaxed about owning
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 because of strong social insurance from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. In
Correct article usage
the
show examples
West ,
Add an article
a
the
show examples
huge amount of
countries
 created
a fundamental systems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fundamental system
fundamental systems
show examples
 for their
residenst
Correct your spelling
residents
 to don't worry about their elderly
life
.
For instance
, in Denmark retired
people
 receive pension comparable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their monthly salary during their active period of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
true
Add an article
a true
show examples
 sense of confidence that they will have relaxed and careless senility.
To sum up
, even in developing
countries
people
 tend to buy
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence about their future, in my opinion
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should live more
calm
Change the word
calmly
show examples
according to
 material wealth because no one knows what will happen
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 day in nowadays
life
.
Submitted by mamik199316 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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