IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram illustrates various stages in the Aluminum recycle.

The diagram illustrates various stages in the Aluminum recycle.
The diagram above shows the 7 steps of the process of
aluminium
Use synonyms
 to be recycled.
Firstly
Linking Words
, used aluminiums that have been used by the consumers will be collected until reach the minimum quantities to be recycled. All of it
then
Linking Words
 will be transported by a truck to the factory to continue to its next stage which is to make new cans.
Next,
Linking Words
by using heat the old
aluminium
Use synonyms
 will  melt down from its solid state to a liquid state.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the process will result in new
aluminium
Use synonyms
 in block shape so that it will be easier to mould into the next stage.
Then
Linking Words
, the block will be pressed into a thin and long shape creating the
aluminium
Use synonyms
 roll using a compressor that put a lot of pressure on it.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the thin roll of
aluminium
Use synonyms
 will be shaped into new cans as it can be supplied to the drink factories to produce new batches of their product
such
Linking Words
 as soda and can be consumed by its consumers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminium with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: