IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? What other measures do you think might be effective?

#price #petrol #traffic #pollution #measures
In today's modern world traffic and pollution problems
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 of
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 biggest
ones
Change to a singular noun
one
show examples
 that humanity should solve in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future.
One
 of the possible solutions that
people
 thinking about is increasing the
price
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
petrol
. I totally disagree with
this
 view
due to
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 that can bring in emergency situations and wide areas that
petrol
 is used for. Humanity can feel
thougness
Correct your spelling
toughness
 in the case of emergencies, especially poor
people
. Nobody knows what can happen to a person at any moment. Some
people
 can get heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
, some can get into an accident. In
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
people
 should call emergency services like ambulance or firefighters. When the
price
 of
petrol
 is high, the
price
 of a service will be high respectively. Having thought about
this
,
people
 begin to struggle with
this
 matter on their own, and in most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
this
 ends in failure.
On the other hand
,
petrol
 is not used only in transportation.
Petrol
 is used in wide areas of
production
,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 medicine, plastic products, technologies, etc. By
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the
price
 of
petrol
, everything would get more expensive.
That is
 not a good way to struggle with air pollution and traffic problems.
One
 of
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 movements, that can help in
this
 situation, is improving the
production
 of eco-friendly cars.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 cars work on electricity, so it is not necessary to increase the
price
 of
petrol
.
Instead
Add a comma
Instead,
show examples
 they can be used in more appropriate processes. In the
last
 5 years, Tesla
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become
one
 of the most
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 companies in the world, because of their solutions
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 air pollution. Now, every self-respecting car company started the
production
 of electro-cars. To
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, it should not be increased the
price
 of
petrol
, because of their importance in today's world.
Instead
, it should be focused on the
production
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars, which
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not require
petrol
 and
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not harm the environment.
Submitted by shakhzodbek.bakhtiyorov on

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Introduction & Conclusion
You need to ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
Logical Structure
Your essay should be organized in a logical way with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and be expanded with relevant details and examples.
Main Points
Your main points require stronger development with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Ensure every main point directly relates to the question prompt.
Task Achievement
You attempted to address the task by touching upon reasons why you disagree with increasing petrol prices and provided an alternative solution. However, your ideas need to be presented more comprehensively with a more direct response to the task and with more persuasive argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
It would benefit your score to use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs, and to organize your thoughts with better clarity. Ensure that your ideas flow naturally from one to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
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