IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child‘s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #role #child‘s #development #television #friends #influence
Children
 are the backbone of our nations,
thus
 it is very important they receive proper and holistic
development
 to ensure the prosperity and progress of our societies. It is often argued that
parents
 play a predominant role in a child's future
development
.
Whereas
 some opine that
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 and
friends
 are important for a minor's growth. In the following paragraphs, I will throw some light on both of these notions and
thus
 give my stand with pertinent arguments.
To begin
 with, it is believed that the mother and father both are the first teachers of their offspring. Kids have direct interaction with their caretakers.
Moreover
, they feel free to share their problems and get the best solution from them.
Additionally
,
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
also
 learn moral values from their family, which is beneficial for their
overall
 growth.
For example
, if minors do not learn from their guardian, they may struggle to cope with their
daily-life
Correct your spelling
daily life
show examples
 issues.
In contrast
, many believe that
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 and pal hold greater importance for youngsters than
parents
.
Friends
 and
TV
 can teach kids about different people and places, helping them become more open-minded.
Furthermore
, best mates and certain Television programs can present challenges or dilemmas that encourage youngsters to think critically and develop problem-solving skills. To illustrate, if
children
 have good
friends
, they can build strong relationships and understand emotions both their own and others. In my point of view, for a child's
development
parents
,
TV
 and
friends
 all are important.
Although
 minors have the best pals and good television programs,
parents
 are the first role model for every minor.   In conclusion,
although
children
 are more comfortable with their
friends
,
parents
 are more important for
children
's positive
development
.
Submitted by simran31788 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay partially responds to the task, but the arguments are underdeveloped and lack specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat coherent, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is adequate, but there is room for improvement in the use of more sophisticated and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors and a lack of sentence variety. Try to use a wider range of grammatical structures and pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational role
  • holistic development
  • direct influence
  • emotional growth
  • moral values
  • discipline
  • significant influence
  • behavior
  • perspectives
  • profound impact
  • social skills
  • balancing
  • screen time
  • peer interaction
  • parental guidance
  • explores their independence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: