The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in lites in selected countries, for the period 1960 - 2000. 3959 arse the information by choosing and reporting the key features, and make any relevant comparisons.

#two #graphs #show #percentage #smokers #consumption #alcohol #lites #countries #period #arse #information #features #comparisons

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The line graph

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

show examples

the percentage of alcohol and

smokers

Replace the word

smoking

show examples

consumption between 1960 to 2000 in different countries. In

general

Add a comma

,general

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the amount of smokers is declining during

this

period . The highest being Holland with 60 % in 1960 remaining stable until 1970 before a sharp decline of 20 %.

addition

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,addition

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Japan and USA had the lowest rate around 40 to 50% .

Thereafter

,continuously

deacreasing

Correct your spelling

decreasing

approximately 40% for Japan and around 18% in

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

in 2000. Turning towards the alcohol intake only a tiny fraction of the people are concerned in The United States with 7% increasing to 10 % in 1989 before a gradual fall in 2000 (8%).

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Holland

Add a comma

,Holland

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it is clearly seen a straight rise

Change preposition

of 12

show examples

% in 1980

then

a small drop

nearly

Change preposition

of nearly

show examples

10% .

However

Add a comma

,However

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Turkey has not

much

Add a missing verb

had much

show examples

change throughout the years keeping a general trend 0 -2 %.

Overall

Holland

is having

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

a large proportion of customers for

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both goods . ‎<

This

message was edited>

Submitted by addaragelal on Wed Aug 23 2023

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

9 paragraphs

165 words

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