IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the increased global demand in oil amd gas, undiscovered areas of world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 the increase in the requirement for natural resources
such
Linking Words
 as
oil
Use synonyms
 and gas, new
places
Use synonyms
 should be researched. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it would destroy the natural environment for animals and birds, and it would lead to more harmful
gases
Use synonyms
 in those high-oxygen
areas
Use synonyms
. Natural habitats for birds and animals would be destroyed.
In other words
Linking Words
, if new
places
Use synonyms
 were explored for natural resources, other creatures would lose their homes, and many of them may die.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research done in the Amazon jungle for
oil
Use synonyms
 had a catastrophic impact on trees, animals and birds.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my opinion, new
places
Use synonyms
 should not be explored in search of natural resources.
Further
Linking Words
, if unexplored
places
Use synonyms
 were researched, it might lead to more harmful
gases
Use synonyms
 in those oxygen-rich
places
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because tree-cutting would reduce the oxygen level in the atmosphere, and
as a result
Linking Words
, there would be a significant rise in other harmful
gases
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in recent research, it has been found that coal,
oil
Use synonyms
 and mines release many
gases
Use synonyms
 that can kill people living in those
areas
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, I believe that the search for more
oil
Use synonyms
 and other
gases
Use synonyms
 in undiscovered
areas
Use synonyms
 would result in the release of numerous harmful
gases
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement that new
places
Use synonyms
 should be discovered to meet the demand for natural
gases
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
 because it would lead to destroying the natural habitat and more harmful
gases
Use synonyms
 would be released in those
areas
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced view with a clear position on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more developed and related to the main points of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • industrialization
  • economic growth
  • energy security
  • environmental impact
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • indigenous rights
  • renewable resources
  • sustainable development
  • energy conservation
  • technological innovation
  • fossil fuels
  • carbon footprint
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • exploitation
  • environmental degradation
  • drilling operations
  • resource depletion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: