IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Whilst some believe that they should be available to
people
Use synonyms
 for exploration at no cost, I believe
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 not substantial, at least a nominal amount must be charged. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I feel that entry
at
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to
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such
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places
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 should not be free.
To begin
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 with, when
people
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 are allowed at
such
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places
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 at no charge, it would result in a large crowd.
This
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 is because
people
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 love it when they get to do something for free. Amongst
this
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 crowd, there would be a few who would be true art enthusiasts, for whom even an ordinary piece of art would be the work of wonder, and there would be others who might have come just to stroll around in their leisure time.
As a result
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, those who have come here with the sheer purpose of educating themselves will not be able to explore the place in peace.
Moreover
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, there is a saying, "When you pay, you pay attention", which means
people
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 tend to pay more attention when they have paid a price for something.
For example
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, during my school
, I
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years, I
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 faced a lot of difficulty in understanding
topics
Correct article usage
the topics
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 of history.
Hence
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, my father used to take me to the museum located right in the heart of my city.
This
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 helped me to clear my doubts regarding the subject, but every time I went there, he kept on
emphasizing
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emphasising
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 the fact
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that I needed to make the most out of the visit as we had paid a huge amount as an entrance fee.
Furthermore
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, the government and the authorities who are in charge of maintaining these
places
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 need some funding to do their work efficiently. If they stop charging any money, they will have to reduce the facilities and other amenities.
Additionally
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,
people
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 who are actually interested in exploring
such
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places
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 don't mind paying fees.
For instance
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, my sister works in a school
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 every time the school arranged trips to
such
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places
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, she noticed that all the students who were really intrigued to know more about art and history readily paid the nominal fees for the visits. For the reasons I have outlined above, I really do believe that there is nothing wrong with paying money to acquire knowledge from museums, as indeed they are the knowledge centres that help
people
Use synonyms
 understand their culture and religion.
This
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 practice would
also
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 keep those who visit
such
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places
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 just for entertainment, providing an opportunity for better exploration to others. In my opinion, the pros of
this
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 practice definitely outweigh its cons.

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content
You should show a balanced view by mentioning the benefits of free entry and present a counter-argument.
coherence
Improve flow with clear topic sentences and linking words between paragraphs.
grammar
Fix grammar errors, shorten long sentences, and ensure correct punctuation.
lexical
Use simple words from the top 100 list to stay in scope; avoid long, complex terms.
structure
Structure: include a short introduction with your position, 2-3 body paragraphs each with one main idea and example, and a concise conclusion.
mechanics
Check spelling consistently and divide long ideas into smaller sentences.
stance
Clear stance on paying even with free options.
relevance
Personal examples connect to point.
structure
Conclusion aligns with argument and restates position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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