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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #museums #art #galleries #charge #admission #fees #entry
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Whilst some believe that they should be available to
people
 for exploration at no cost, I believe if not substantial, at least a nominal amount must be charged. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I feel that entry at
such
places
 should not be free.
To begin
 with, when
people
 are allowed at
such
places
 at no charge, it would result in a large crowd.
This
 is because
people
 love it when they get to do something for free. Amongst
this
 crowd, there would be a few who would be true art enthusiasts, for whom even an ordinary piece of art would be the work of wonder, and there would be others who might have come just to stroll around in their leisure time.
As a result
, those who have come here with the sheer purpose of educating themselves will not be able to explore the place in peace.
Moreover
, there is a saying, "When you pay, you pay attention", which means
people
 tend to pay more attention when they have paid a price for something.
For example
, during my school , I faced a lot of difficulty in understanding topics of history.
Hence
, my father used to take me to the museum located right in the heart of my city.
This
 helped me to clear my doubts regarding the subject, but every time I went there, he kept on emphasizing the fact, that I needed to make the most out of the visit as we had paid a huge amount as an entrance fee.
Furthermore
, the government and the authorities who are in charge of maintaining these
places
 need some funding to do their work efficiently. If they stop charging any money, they will have to reduce the facilities and other amenities.
Additionally
,
people
 who are actually interested in exploring
such
places
 don't mind paying fees.
For instance
, my sister works in a school and every time the school arranged trips to
such
places
, she noticed that all the students who were really intrigued to know more about art and history readily paid the nominal fees for the visits. For the reasons I have outlined above, I really do believe that there is nothing wrong with paying money to acquire knowledge from museums, as indeed they are the knowledge centres that help
people
 understand their culture and religion.
This
 practice would
also
 keep those who visit
such
places
 just for entertainment, providing an opportunity for better exploration to others. In my opinion, the pros of
this
 practice definitely outweigh its cons.
Submitted by Gopi on

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task response
Your response addresses the task prompt adequately and presents a clear argument in favor of charging admission fees for museums and art galleries. You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay displays a logical organization with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are well-connected, and the progression of your argument is clear. However, consider using more transition words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion further.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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