IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

In modern society, older
people
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 have different mindsets about
money
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 and investments. Some
people
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 will prefer to spend
money
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 on vacations or expensive things,
while
Linking Words
 others will choose to save
money
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 for their descendants after retirement.
For
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example
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, some believe in ideas to enjoy life to the maximum, and others who live in the future and think about the consequences if they lose their job. My point of view is that you need to enjoy life and avoid stressful situations, but not every day is a holiday, and it is important to think about your children's future. The essay examines the positive and negative parts of the development. On the one hand, it is excellent when older
people
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 spend
money
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 on themselves, because it is an
example
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 of self-love.
For
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example
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, during old age, they start to live for themselves and spend
money
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 on holidays, and learn new customs and traditions from other countries.
In addition
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, after working for decades, older
people
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 have free time to relax.
As a result
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, they can spend
money
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 on a spa to relax or to reserve a table
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nice restaurant and enjoy tasty dishes.
On the other hand
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, sometimes old
people
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 play a crucial role in children’s lives. In that case, spending
money
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 irrationally is not suitable because it is better to save it for children's achievements.
For
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example
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, parents should keep finances and invest in education or various courses for kids.
To conclude
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, it is excellent when the elderly spend
money
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 on themselves, but it is
also
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 very important to have a financial balance and invest in children’s education.

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Task Response
State your main view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion so the reader is sure what you think.
Coherence
Plan each paragraph with one main idea and a clear topic sentence. Use small link words like first, also, but, so to join ideas.
Task Response
Give one or two strong examples for each side. Explain how the example backs your point.
Coherence
Try to keep to three or four ideas only and make the order smooth to read.
Strength
You show both sides of the issue.
Strength
There is an intro and a conclusion.
Strength
Some real life examples are given (holidays, saving).
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