Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Older generations prefer to spend money on their preferences rather than leaving inheritances to their children after retirement. From my perspective,

that is

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a very good outcome, because the elderly have the right to enjoy their life savings. As well, it teaches the young generation to work hard and

achieve

Verb problem

earn

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their own money, without any support from their

parents

Use synonyms

Firstly

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, it is well known that usually

parents

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tend to leave their inheritance to their children, without even getting a chance to taste their own hard-earned wealth.

However

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, everyone deserves to treat themselves because they have spent their entire life paying taxes and helping their children grow up in a good environment.

For instance

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, many adults use their financial resources to travel the world and see new places they have never been to, sometimes even treat themselves

with

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different things that they have wanted for a long time.

Therefore

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, it is completely understandable for them to enjoy every penny they worked for, rather than saving up for the next generation.

Secondly

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

teaches young

people

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how to work hard for their own needs. In many cases,

people

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are used to having everything received on a silver

pattern

Check wording

platter

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, without even lifting a finger.

For instance

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, my friend never got a job because he was assured that his

parents

Use synonyms

would leave everything to him. When the time came

Punctuation problem

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and his

parents

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told him he would not get a penny, he got so lost and didn’t know where to start

up from

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apply

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This

Linking Words

being

Wrong verb form

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a clear example

Punctuation problem

apply

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showing that relying on

parents

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makes

people

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lazy, and when they don’t only

then

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they can

Correct word order

can they

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succeed. In conclusion,

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can affirm that older

people

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spending their own money is a positive trend. It ensures that the elderly

Linking Words

finally can

Correct word order

can finally

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enjoy their retirement, making the young generation motivated to stand up for themselves.

acaitaz

Aug 24, 2023

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coherence cohesion

Make your main idea more clear at the start of each body part.

coherence cohesion

Use link words with more care. Some parts feel too long or not smooth.

task achievement

Add one more clear reason or a stronger example to support your view.

task achievement

Explain your example more, so the reader can see how it proves your point.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.

task achievement

You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.

task achievement

Your examples are on topic and help support your ideas.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

Investing in local amenities such as leisure centers is the best way for the government to foster a strong community spirit. To what extent do you agre or disagree?

Some people say that individuals do to protect cannot make difference, while others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos while others think that zoos are both entertainment and fun, discuss both the views and give your opinions.

Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while others do not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some countries sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.