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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #money #railway #roads
It seems that these days, government should spend more money on
railways
 than roads. I agree that the government ought to spend more budget on
trains
 and
railways
 rather than roads because
trains
 are environment-friendly transport and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 fewer
traffic
 issues than
cars
. Investments in
railways
 can improve the quality of public
transportation
. The countries that have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
railway
transportation
people
 use fewer
cars
 which causes low
air
pollution
 and
traffic
. Decreasing the usage of
cars
 can reduce
air
pollution
.
For instance
, Singapore is one of the countries that has more
trains
 in public
transportation
 with high quality.
private
Capitalize word
Private
show examples
 car is not necessary, so
air
pollution
 is not a problem in Singapore. It is a good thing for a healthy environment. At the same time, when
people
 decide to travel to work by train,
people
 will use a private car .
This
 is a problem for
traffic
, and commuters
also
 travelling by public
transportation
 take less time when they do not have
traffic
 problems. MRT and BTS
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
 in Tehran,
for instance
,
people
 from residential areas can go to one
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
this
 centre and it will take one hour,
while
 by using private
transportation
 it will take more than two hours.
To conclude
, every government must invest in
railways
 more than roads because the
railways
 have more benefits than private
cars
. The
trains
 can decrease the
air
pollution
 and
also
traffic
 problems which many suffer from .
Submitted by raziahassani2002 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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