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Writing Samples
Band 6

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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People are living longer and have higher life expectancy
as a result
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 of better medical care. I think
this
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 development has both advantages and disadvantages.
This
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 essay will focus on the good and bad of improved medical care.
Above all
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, advancements in medicinal treatment
allows
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allow
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 doctors to apply the most effective methods of treatment, or treat diseases thought to be uncurable before. Medical
watch
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watches
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 may take half as usual with proper technology,
as well as
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 new medicinal breakthroughs could treat conditions
such
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 as Alzheimer's or rabies.
For example
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, a new breakthrough in cancer research
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in the US, a vaccine
that is
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 capable of eliminating a vast majority of cancer cells, which might become a new effective cancer treatment.
Although
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 the vaccine is still in
it's
Replace the word
its
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 testing phase, it could redefine the whole pharmaceutical world as we know it today.
On the other hand
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, with each advancement, nursing becomes increasingly expensive.
Cutting edge
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Cutting-edge
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 technology requires money to be spent and paid for, which is taken from the patients and the government.
For instance
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,
while
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 the US might have
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
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 technology when it comes to pharmaceutics, the prices are outrageous. A simple trip on an ambulance could cost individuals tens of thousands of dollars without health insurance,
meanwhile
Capitalize word
Meanwhile
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 developing countries
such
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 as India, Bangladesh or South Africa might not have the best methods of healing, but they are considerably more affordable. In conclusion, without a doubt, improved medicinal care and higher life expectancy
is
Verb problem
apply
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a positive
factor
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factors
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to
Change preposition
for
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 all countries, but it does not matter if a person can not afford it.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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