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Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sports facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and other measure are necessary to improve public health. Discuss both views.

#people #health #offer #sports #facilities #effect #measure
Nowadays different types of
sports
 activities are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one of the main tools to have a healthy lifestyle.
Therefore
, there is a considerable number of people, who believes that if
thegovernment
Correct your spelling
the government
 wants to make sure that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 is in good
health
 conditions, they ought to present new
sports
 activities with proper workout
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,
whereas
 other consider that those measures would have less impact on people’s way of life,
instead
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,instead
show examples
 they suggest other actions should be taken into consideration. In
this
 essay, I will be highlighting both points of view in the upcoming two paragraphs. On the one side, having
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 number of
sports
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 in the parks and other public places
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 members to
activly
Correct your spelling
actively
 engage with their
health
 issues.
In other words
, those
sports
 facilities help the public to
buid
Correct your spelling
buy
 daily healthy
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
.
Therefore
, it would be significantly important if the government applies specific
health
 regulations
such
 as providing more
sports
equipements
Correct your spelling
equipment
 in
the parks arena
Change to a genitive case
the park's arena
show examples
.
On the other hand
, other measures in terms of having a healthy life might be put into
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government officials to make sure that those actions would improve average
health
statisctics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 in the country.
For example
,
to encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
society
 members to go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
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 and do a lot of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 would be the best example
due to
 improve the general public
health
 rate.
To sum up
, both measures are highly necessary to improve
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 among
society
 members. It would be better to create a program where specific needs will be taken into account.
Submitted by vincent.grape1999 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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