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Band 5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
These days, celebrities are getting more fame for their glamour and wealth rather than their accolades. Some
people
 seem to think
this
 is not good for the younger minds who are getting inspired by them. There are several aspects to
this
 mindset. On one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are many platforms on social
media
 for becoming a star overnight. All of the success has rounded down to the views and likes these days. Grades and results seem to be things from the yesteryears. As access to social applications is increasing, the number of
people
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 famous is
also
 rising.
Consequently
,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation is following them more as the days go by. Simultaneously, they are fantasising
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 life of glamour and wealth rather than focusing on their studies.
Media
 is becoming tremendously influential in the lives of young
people
.
On the other hand
, the pressure created by p the parents to get a particular score has
also
 driven children away from studies.
Subsequently
, they are getting attracted to the easy way of becoming an icon and earning money. Mobile and computers were used as recreational therapy but they are becoming an escape from the stresses of life. Young
people
 enjoy scrolling through social
media
 and having a good laugh after a hectic day.
To conclude
.
Although
media
 has gained power over the minds of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation, but household plays a role in shaping them too. Parents need to
damp
Verb problem
calm
show examples
 the pressure down and understand their children's passion.
This
 will help the juveniles to be inspired by their professional ideals. In spite of focusing on glamour and
wealth
Add a comma
,wealth
show examples
 they will be more concentrated on the achievements of celebrities.
Submitted by biki982008 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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